My thoughts run free here...

Saturday, January 13, 2007


Work is taking a toll on me. I find myself spending more time than ever going for work, thinking about work, doing extra reading for work, and even dreaming about work. But i've learnt something from this week's work. I am really getting the hang of this researcher job and i'm starting to like it. I think i'm really suited to it. Ok, i think i've reached to a conclusion very quickly. Let's wait and see until the attachment period ends.

In the same time, it seems my friends are having a good time teaching. Especially Kasturi. Kalpana, well, i think the teacher job is not suitable for you if you do not feel the commitment to your job naturally. Even after facing a lot of troublesome students, Kasturi still wants to go on and become a teacher. If one is not strong-hearted like that, then that job is not for you. It's the same for every career. There is always some aspect of that career that one does not like at all. In my lab, none of my colleagues ever talk to me. Fine, they say 'good morning', or 'hi', or atleast smile. But they don't socialise much. Mainly because they are so engrossed in their research work. Actually, i myself notice that i too am fully engrossed in my work, as mundane as PCR and gel electrophoresis. Moreover, the repeating of failed experiments and getting back bad results again is frustrating. If i want to become a researcher, i have to tolerate the inadequacies of such a career.

I've been reading a lot on the subject of whether there exists a god. All along in my life, i have been told to believe in the gods that i worship (the hindu gods). And i have always done so. Especially at night before i go to sleep. This is because praying gives me an invisible protection from bad dreams and so on. I used to get nightmares quite often last time. But reading Richard Dawkins's books like The Selfish Gene and The Blind Watchmaker and getting to know more about evolution and natural selection, has made me feel sceptical about the existence of god. Now the very notion of the hindu gods sounds quite ridiculous to me. I have stopped praying for quite some time at night. And i don't get the nightmares that much as i used to. I sleep peacefully. My disbelief in god has also made me sceptical about the existence of spirits and ghosts.

My parents are strong believers of the hindu gods and i think any other gods. I don't think they will ever understand the arguments put forward by Richard Dawkins. Even my dad who is well-educated. I think belief in a god comes about easily, rather than not believing. It's like a pillar to lean on in times of trouble/suffering/pain. And i feel surprised that a lot of students who study evolution and natural selection are believers in christianity. I wonder how. Are they scared to tell their opinion on the existence of god out loud? Like what Richard Dawkins says, it might be true. I myself have not told my parents that i do not believe in god at all. I have told it to my close friends. And sometimes, it's easier to talk about it to a friend who agrees with you in this matter. Kasturi is one such person. But she still believes in a god who created this world. Then who created god?:)

Another thing that is running on my mind now is about this childfree issue. i've been to India and have visited my cousins. One of them got married last year and is 8 months pregnant now, going to give birth later this month. And another cousin of mine, 24 years old, has finished her MBA. I asked her if she is going to go for a job? She said no and that she is not interested. Then i wonder why she has ever studied at all? Well, she doesn't have to go for a job, being rich and all. The thing is, she is of a marriagable age and her mind isn't in career planning at all.

Lots of girls are quite ambitious when they are teenagers. But once they finish their degrees, i don't know why they lose interest in their ambitions. They just want to get married and 'settled'. And i don't know what they mean by 'settled'. If 'settled' means giving birth to a child and bringing it up, man that's not the end of life. All these girls ever think about is when they want to have children and not if. Why don't they ever question about such things and why do they just accept it? There was a book in the library i was browsing through. It was about the other unpleasant side of motherhood. The third trimester of pergnancy, the labour, lactose intolerance and so on. The book also has another section in which it gives advice to girls in their late teens and 20's on preparing for motherhood. What crap! We have to prepare for motherhood knowing that such unpleasantness exists in it? Stop romanticising the idea of motherhood and let's just face the hard truth, shall we?

All these thoughts have been a kind of consciousness-raisers for me in this part of my life. I think i'll post more on them when i have time. I have spilled out quite a lot that was lingering in my mind. I feel quite peaceful now:)


Suresh ET said...

Wow, Priya, this is a very neat post (hope I don't sound condescending). But this is a very coherent, strongly felt, passionate writing.

{{All these girls ever think about is when they want to have children and not if.}} - with an italicized 'if', cool, you're getting a hang stresses and quotes ('settled'). Just capitalize yourself consistently (pun intended) - I mean capitalize all 'I's.

I'm glad you've started feeling more strongly about certain things that you were analysing a few months. I think you are truly coming of age. I hope you'll eventually make your ground firm and stan by it in all forms. Not just in blogs. Not just among your friends. Say more.

Priya said...


I'll surely capitalize all my 'I's next time. I was just lazy and moreover it's a pretty long post.

Yes Suresh, I quite agree with you that I am truly coming of age. I see myself changing a lot. I'm becoming stronger in the sense of holding strong views about certain issues like those discussed in this post.

But the thing that is bothering me the most is expressing them freely among my close family members. There is no need to. But I've shared almost everything about me with them. But this is just one path that I should tread on carefully. That is why I'm posting such issues in my blog. Atleast my friends will read it and know that I've changed a lot:)

And I'll definitely say more and talk more. I just have not enough time. Once I get home, all I do is some embroidery and helping my mum to prepare dinner. I think I'll be free to post more once I get my own laptop soon this year;)

You dont sound condescending. And what's wrong if you do. Your posts are very good. I'll do more such posts when I get the time.

Anonymous said...

Hey Priya!

You know, I do not understand why people view the creation of the universe, evolution and natural selection cannot be a part of God's amazing work.

Actually, I have so much to say on this topic but I twisted my arm and it's hurting when I even move it a little. I'll write my long and complicated arguement once it is all well. If you don't mind that is. =)


P.S. It's snowing here...and I've touched snow for the first time. I was running up and down the roads outside my house. pretty!

Priya said...

Nice to hear grom you Logi. The argument that you quote is not new to me or for anyone. A lot of people have asked the same thing. And here is my counter argument:

If God did create the universe, evolution and natural selection, then He or She or It must have been a very very complex being indeed. Because that kind of 'God' is capable of thinking very forward, planning out the structure and so on. If so, where did that complex being come from. He/She/It cannot have just sprung up from nowhere right? That being itself must have evolved gradually by some mechanism similar to natural selection. And the possibility of that happening is way too low.

If you really have a lot to think about it, grab 'The God Delusion' book written by Richard Dawkins. It's a really good read.

I hope your twisted arm is fine. Enjoy the snow!! Bye

Priya said...


Sorry, it's supposed to be 'from':p

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