Back from short vacation..

Well, I feel so much relieved to be back from India, with all that heat and sweat I've experienced. Once is enough. I should only be going back there in two years' time. I don't know why I feel so foreign when I went there this time. Previously it was not like that at all. I guess I'm getting used to the Singapore environment. Well, if you ask me, I have no intention of going back there. Somehow I feel it's easier to live in Singapore. It feels better to go to India once in a while.

But this time, I felt it was kind of boring. Except for the times I spent with my nephew, Keerti. It was because we were so much in sync with each other and our conversations were really good. Time flew when I was talking with him. Finally, I was thinking if I will ever meet anyone who has similar thinking like me there in India. But I never expected a 15-year-old to turn up like that! Still, that gave me hope that there should be people like that. You are asking me, people like what? Well, I don't know exactly how to describe. But I will know when I meet someone like it.

Actually, I nothing to say for now. Except that i'm back and am feeling really neutral. So I'll really start blogging as regularly as I can.

Shopping for University starts... Expenses until now - $139.20!! Still more to go...

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Live for yourself...

It is very difficult to be selfish. Selfish, in it's true form. Not possessive. People always confuse possessiveness with selfishness. For me, to be selfish is to just think about your own needs and interests. Then reason and act accordingly to fulfil these needs and interests. Here, you have to take note, I did not add "disregarding others' needs and interests". I think I have already made myself clear about this in my previous post.

I realised that until today, I have lived and am living a life just to please others. A lot of the things I do in my life, I have been doing so as to please others. Others include, my parents, relatives, society. I have just never realised it until one day. It is happening in everybody's life, but nobody realises it at first. A child is trying to please it's parents, a wife is trying to please her husband and in-laws, a man is trying to please his boss, a woman is trying to please the society. I want to ask here, wtf? Who ever thinks and cares about pleasing oneself?

Have we ever lived a life just to please ourself? Have we ever went to school because we love it so much? Or have we ever done something in life just because we want to do it, not because we are told or forced by someone? For me, if I were to live according to my parent's wishes, I will study, marry to one and one guy only, have kids and live 'happily ever after'. If I were to live according to myself, I will study, not marry and live life as it comes.

As days pass, I am beginning to think 'radically' about all the things in life always taken for granted. I want to live my life for myself and duh, who's going to stop me? I am also starting to 'let go'. It's like a transition period in my life. Even death doesn't frighten me anymore. I'm starting to live life for myself, such that if I were to die now, I'm happy. Even with unfulfilled wishes and unsaid love. I don't know how long this feeling will last. But living life for oneself is so much better than living for others. It's like Vijay's character in Puthiya Geethai. That is the only movie in which I like Vijay a lot.

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Selfishness Is Virtue

Some of them, like Ayn rand, have said this. Some of them have condemned it, praising altruistic behaviour. But is it possible to be truely altruistic? To help others, disregarding our own self-interest. Is it truely possible?

As humans we are born selfish. Selfishness is our true nature. But like they say in spiderman, everybody loves a hero. A hero who sacrifices himself and his desires, his wants for the 'greater good'. Gosh! Cut the crap man! Or like they say, "Give me a break!" I hate people behaving like self-sacrificing animals for all the wrong reasons. Well, not exactly wrong. But reasons that are not logical, shall we say?

People give stupid reasons when asked why they did something altruistic for the poor people or for the ill people. Well, at least i think they are stupid. People do good because they go by the Book. People do good so that they get praised and be put on a pedestal by others. People do good because they want eternal rewards in there after-life. People pretend to do good, to attain power and control.

But the truth is, we all do good for some selfish reason. Even Mother Teresa should have had some good selfish reason to have done what she had done. Even if it was just some pure personal satisfaction. Why not be selfish, then? Take care of ourselves, first. We can only give love to those who we think deserves our love. Be selfish. Be honest. I think only selfishness and honesty are two true virtues. When I say selfish, I do not mean taking care of your own interests with "disregard to that of the others". I only mean, taking care of your own rational self-interests and being an end unto yourself. You don't expect others to sacrifice themselves for you and you should not sacrifice yourself for others.

We have to value our existence. In my previous post, when I quoted the bible verse, "Love the Lord thy God...", I interpretted the word "God" metaphorically. To me, it means "love your existence". To me, Man is God. There is a God in everyone of us. Someone there in us who knows what is right for us, what wrongs we do. It makes us feel guilty. It guides us through darkness. This might just be an illusory feeling. But there is a God in each and everyone of us. Let's find it inside us and not outside.

***The ideas presented in this entry are not entirely mine. Some of the credits and copyrights go to philosophical ideas of Ayn Rand and Osho. I borrowed some from here and there.***

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The Purpose Driven Life?

I have heard about Rick Warren's book called "The Purpose Driven Life". A lot of people have told me that the book is really good and that it has helped them a lot. So I borrowed this book from my friend to read it during the weekend. But before I talk about the book, I would just like to give this disclaimer. I am not here to criticize the people who have read, or reading, or are going to read the book. I am only criticizing the writer and the writings in the book.

But who am I to criticize the writer? Afterall, Rick Warren has done a lot in his life and he is certainly well-qualified to write this book about Christian faith. So on second thought, I am only critizing the writings in this book.

When I started reading the first chapter, no matter how hard I tried to read every word and sentence patiently, I couldn't go on. I wanted to read this book to understand how people of christian faith try to spread their faith. So I tried reading it patiently, trying to understand. But finally I had to start skipping certain pages. After that I started to skim through all of the pages and read certain paragraphs closely. Gosh! It was that boring! And I couldn't believe that people actually say that this book is great. It is nothing more than a Christian Self-help book, no matter what the author writes to convince us that it is not.

The book is also filled with contradictions. Both self-contradictions and contradictions with what the Bible actually says. For example, one part of the book says that God was so grieved that nobody lived to please him except for Noah, that He wanted to wipe out the human race. Another part of the book says that the God knows that we are incapable of being perfect or sinless and yet he still loves us. Not to mention Rick Warren's cherry-picking of verses from the bible. It's self-evident that the book is so biased.

In Matthew 22, Jesus says, "thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind". In the book, Rick's interpretation is that our love for God should be heartfelt and genuine. But how can you love God genuinely? Do you know Him? How can you love someone who you don't even know about? During the times of the Bible, people were well aware of what they were talking about. The historical events in the bible happened near their time and so their beliefs in God and their love for Him were stronger. But now it's already 2000 years since the events claimed to have been happened.

Rick's cherry-picking has done much damage here. We should not misinterpret the words of the scriptures. Everything should be read, both good and bad. The verse continues, "And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself". Love you neighbour as you love yourself. Because he is none other than you, but just in another form and shape. Before you love God, you have to love yourself first, and then other fellow human beings. But Rick condemns selfish behaviour. Because loving yourself is a selfish thing. But this doesn't matter. This is just my opinion based on my other book readings.

The book also focuses much on the Intelligent Design theory. But you know about me. You readers know that I'm an atheist when it comes to supernatural gods. So I viewed the writings of this author sceptically. I don't believe in the ID theory. But if I have to believe in it, then I face a big problem. If everything and everybody is indeed created by God, then who created God? If God is the father of Jesus and God created Jesus, then who created God? The problem doesn't stop there. The predicament continues infintely. If it is true that every design has a creator, then who is the creator of the creator?

Well, I'm going to finish reading the book. Anything else to say, I'll do that in my next entry.

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Random

It's been almost a month since I updated my blog. Well, need you ask? Lots of things to do and not to mention my mood swings. Getting depressed as days pass by. But at the same time, I'm getting excited about attending University. What an ironic period in my life?!

I also got bored with my plain looking blog and considered switching to wordpress. Wordpress has a lot of themes and moreover it's an open-source blogging platform. But changed my mind, considering the downs of wordpress. Nothing matches blogger. The only problem with blogger right now is it's lack of templates, especially to those newly switched to blogger beta. Hopefully this problem has been or will be solved. But for now, I have made some changes to my blog.

Nothing much has been going on in my life right now. There'll be more excitement when I enter University and when I have more to blog about. I have also not read any interesting books to discuss about them. Just spending my time reading some scientific stuff.

At work, interesting things are happening. There are two new 3rd year students from NUS and one NTU student in our lab. Considering the practical aspects of scientific research, it seems like I know more than them! I was really shocked to know this. I didn't realise the benefits of this five-month internship when I started my job. But now I realise that I'm actually ahead of most of them who have never had any previous experience of research attachments. I've learned quite a lot of techniques in this lab. SDS-PAGE, Immunoblotting, Genotyping, PCR, Immunofluorescence, Histology work and a lot more.

For the past few days, I've been thinking about this blog. If you dig deeper to my previous entries, you will find a very different Priya. This blog has actually helped me to see a transition of myself. I am not the same kind of person I was when I started this blog. Is there more room for me to change? I don't know, only time will tell me the answer.

I want to write a long entry, but right now, I feel tired and want to sleep. So I'll come up with a longer post (or a shorter one, 'cause I can't really tell and 'cause I hate making promises) when the time and my mood coincides perfectly;)

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--Wynand asked:
“Howard, have you ever been in love?”
Roark turned to look straight at him and answer quietly:
“I still am.”
“But when you walk through a building, what you feel is greater than that?”
“Much greater, Gail.”
“I was thinking of people who say that happiness is impossible on earth. Look how hard they all try to find some joy in life. Look how they struggle for it. Why should any living creature exist in pain? By what conceivable right can anyone demand that a human being exist for anything but for his own joy? Every one of them wants it. Every part of him wants it. But they never find it. I wonder why. They whine and say they don’t understand the meaning of life. There’s a particular kind of people that I despise. Those who seek some sort of a higher purpose or ‘universal goal.’ Who don’t know what to live for, who moan that they must ‘find themselves.’ You hear it all around us. That seems to be the official bromide of our century. Every book you open. Every drooling self-confession. It seems to the noble thing to confess. I’d think it would be the most shameful one.”
“Look, Gail.” Roark got up, reached out, tore a thick branch off a tree, held it in both hands, one fist closed at each end; then, his wrists and knuckles tensed against the resistance, he bent the branch slowly into an arc. “Now I can make what I want of it: a bow, a spear, a cane, a railing. That’s the meaning of life.”
“Your strength?”
“Your work.” He tossed the branch aside. “The material earth offers you and what you make out of it…”-- The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

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Update pls...

It has really been a long time since I blogged. But all this while I have been having a good time with my family, friends and myself. I have done some soul-searching and have found out a lot about me. I'm really happy and content within me. Reading and listening to Osho has given me that insight of his.

I'm going to India again this June! To Chennai through SQ and then to Salem! We're going to do our home-warming for the house that my father was building. It's complete now and we're very happy. The name of the house is going to be "Haripriyas". Haha:) The first is my sister's name and the next is mine! It's lovely, but we had other names in mind. Like "Geetha Illam", my mother's name. But it sounded like a refugee house or something. Then my dad was making fun like naming it "Geetha Gugai (Cave)":)) Anyway, it's "Haripriyas".

This time the trip is going to be fun because I'm also attending my cousin brother's wedding! They are rich people and so their wedding function is bound to be grand. I feel so excited right now to go India. I'm also anxious about my university application. I'm not worried about the scholarship ones, I don't need them anyway. I know I'll get admission to the science faculty. But still I'm excited to see that in words from the university itself.

Anyway, what am I doing here blogging crap, nothing useful? It's my blog, does it have to be useful or beneficial to anyone in particular? No! Why do people blog anyway? Sometimes it's a nuisance to maintain a blog just for your friends to see. Sometimes we just use it to show off. Sometimes it's just relaxing to sit and rant all you want. For me, it's a journey of revelation. I blog solely for the purpose of meeting people online and to make friends with them. If friends come my way to talk with me and read my blog, I will be glad and happy. If they don't, I'll still be happy to be given the chance to blog.

There is a meditation technique that buddha teaches to his disciples. It's really a very good technique. Just disconnect yourself from everything and everyone. You are no longer a son, a daughter, an officer, a doctor, a hindu, a friend, a man or a woman. Just disconnect yourself and see what is left of you. Then ask yourself who you are. An answer will come, but just disconnect from that too. Then ask yourself again. Then you will realise that no answer comes out of you. This is what you really are. Just be a nobody and you will come to like yourself, to love your aloneness.

I like to remain like a nobody forever. But identity has become an innate part of ourselves that we have to be somebody. No matter who I am and will be in this life, I definitely don't want to be a 'wife'. The tasks that come with that status, are something that I definitely don't want to do at all. I don't need to in the first place. I will never wash his laundry, cook his meals or bear and rear his children. NEVER! I'll never be a good wife, not to mention a wife!

But now that doesn't mean I'll never marry. I have to marry! Atleast that is what the society wants. The society or for that matter our own parents don't really care about what we kids really want. To them, we are just kids, innocent and know nothing. But they know. They know that we need to get married to a good person and they think that that will end their line of duties supposed to be performed.

I'll marry. One day, I will and have to. But not to become a wife.

Oh btw, I'll not tell who the baby is supposed to be until someone guesses it correctly. I'm expecting the first person to be correct and I hope so. I know so:)

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Guess Who?

Hi people. It's been a long time since I blogged. I've been quite busy lately. But enjoying too. Now let's see. Guess who is this in these pictures?

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Anti-smoking ad

Look at this gruesome anti-smoking ad. There are even worser ads around. But I just chose this one. It is scary for any first-timers and non-smokers. But definetely not scary for the most of us. I could only find the Australian version. There's a Singaporean version too. When do these people ever learn that such ads seriously don't help?

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My best friends

It's me, Kasturi and Kalpana. My best friends. Hoping that they are doing well in their teaching job:) All the best jaans!

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