My thoughts run free here...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Update pls...

It has really been a long time since I blogged. But all this while I have been having a good time with my family, friends and myself. I have done some soul-searching and have found out a lot about me. I'm really happy and content within me. Reading and listening to Osho has given me that insight of his.

I'm going to India again this June! To Chennai through SQ and then to Salem! We're going to do our home-warming for the house that my father was building. It's complete now and we're very happy. The name of the house is going to be "Haripriyas". Haha:) The first is my sister's name and the next is mine! It's lovely, but we had other names in mind. Like "Geetha Illam", my mother's name. But it sounded like a refugee house or something. Then my dad was making fun like naming it "Geetha Gugai (Cave)":)) Anyway, it's "Haripriyas".

This time the trip is going to be fun because I'm also attending my cousin brother's wedding! They are rich people and so their wedding function is bound to be grand. I feel so excited right now to go India. I'm also anxious about my university application. I'm not worried about the scholarship ones, I don't need them anyway. I know I'll get admission to the science faculty. But still I'm excited to see that in words from the university itself.

Anyway, what am I doing here blogging crap, nothing useful? It's my blog, does it have to be useful or beneficial to anyone in particular? No! Why do people blog anyway? Sometimes it's a nuisance to maintain a blog just for your friends to see. Sometimes we just use it to show off. Sometimes it's just relaxing to sit and rant all you want. For me, it's a journey of revelation. I blog solely for the purpose of meeting people online and to make friends with them. If friends come my way to talk with me and read my blog, I will be glad and happy. If they don't, I'll still be happy to be given the chance to blog.

There is a meditation technique that buddha teaches to his disciples. It's really a very good technique. Just disconnect yourself from everything and everyone. You are no longer a son, a daughter, an officer, a doctor, a hindu, a friend, a man or a woman. Just disconnect yourself and see what is left of you. Then ask yourself who you are. An answer will come, but just disconnect from that too. Then ask yourself again. Then you will realise that no answer comes out of you. This is what you really are. Just be a nobody and you will come to like yourself, to love your aloneness.

I like to remain like a nobody forever. But identity has become an innate part of ourselves that we have to be somebody. No matter who I am and will be in this life, I definitely don't want to be a 'wife'. The tasks that come with that status, are something that I definitely don't want to do at all. I don't need to in the first place. I will never wash his laundry, cook his meals or bear and rear his children. NEVER! I'll never be a good wife, not to mention a wife!

But now that doesn't mean I'll never marry. I have to marry! Atleast that is what the society wants. The society or for that matter our own parents don't really care about what we kids really want. To them, we are just kids, innocent and know nothing. But they know. They know that we need to get married to a good person and they think that that will end their line of duties supposed to be performed.

I'll marry. One day, I will and have to. But not to become a wife.

Oh btw, I'll not tell who the baby is supposed to be until someone guesses it correctly. I'm expecting the first person to be correct and I hope so. I know so:)


Dugi said...

there is a slight sense of sadness in this post somehow. is it really Priya? Or is who she wants to be?

Priya said...

Durga, you and your psychoanalysis! There is no sadness here. And it is Priya. You want Priya? You will have more of it in my upcoming posts:)

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