It is very difficult to be selfish. Selfish, in it's true form. Not possessive. People always confuse possessiveness with selfishness. For me, to be selfish is to just think about your own needs and interests. Then reason and act accordingly to fulfil these needs and interests. Here, you have to take note, I did not add "disregarding others' needs and interests". I think I have already made myself clear about this in my previous post.
I realised that until today, I have lived and am living a life just to please others. A lot of the things I do in my life, I have been doing so as to please others. Others include, my parents, relatives, society. I have just never realised it until one day. It is happening in everybody's life, but nobody realises it at first. A child is trying to please it's parents, a wife is trying to please her husband and in-laws, a man is trying to please his boss, a woman is trying to please the society. I want to ask here, wtf? Who ever thinks and cares about pleasing oneself?
Have we ever lived a life just to please ourself? Have we ever went to school because we love it so much? Or have we ever done something in life just because we want to do it, not because we are told or forced by someone? For me, if I were to live according to my parent's wishes, I will study, marry to one and one guy only, have kids and live 'happily ever after'. If I were to live according to myself, I will study, not marry and live life as it comes.
As days pass, I am beginning to think 'radically' about all the things in life always taken for granted. I want to live my life for myself and duh, who's going to stop me? I am also starting to 'let go'. It's like a transition period in my life. Even death doesn't frighten me anymore. I'm starting to live life for myself, such that if I were to die now, I'm happy. Even with unfulfilled wishes and unsaid love. I don't know how long this feeling will last. But living life for oneself is so much better than living for others. It's like Vijay's character in Puthiya Geethai. That is the only movie in which I like Vijay a lot.
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4 comments:
It is a sad realizatio isn't it, when you finally realize that the choice we'd made over the years weren't really ours but that they were essentially made for us? Its not easy coming to terms with how much your life thus far was navigated by you and you alone. I don't know the answer to why this happens. I share with you the same Singapore Indian heritage and I can tell you so much that looking for answer as to the cause of this is pointless. Part of the answer is the 'indian' home situation, with its expectations and some sort of blueprint that no one ever really shows us that we have to live up to. Another part is the country's push toward education, productivity etc etc.
When I read your last blog.... it was almost as if I was looking myself 20 yrs ago... very unnerving..
Well on the bright side young lady..look you CAN live your life FOR YOURSELF. Its a matter of courage and I guess a certain amount of independance which I guess necessarily is financial for the most part. I found the hardest part of my 'escape' to live my own life was to get control of the part of my mind that continued to go ' OH WHAT WOULD THEY THINK' so by the time I really got my 'freedom' was when I was well into my thirties...would I do it again ? Yes most definately, but I would have started much earlier. The main problem is the constant harrassment from both parents and society that make kids become people pleasers which means bottling up their own needs and desires for the sake of others. In Singapore it happens a lot especially in Indian household at least it did in mine...stating your point of view which is different almost certainly meant that you were 'talking back' and 'being difficult'. Choosing a course that you like instead of choosing a course that they want you or the state wants you to do is ' foolish' etc etc.
Remember...the choice is yours...I guess you already know that...
Thanks redcentredoc for your comments. I agree totally with you. There sre people who try to live for themselves and ignore the others. But I guess we have evolved in such a way that our brains have become dependent on what others say about us.
The way we portray ourselves in front of others has become a very important aspect of our life, such that sometimes we are not even aware of us behaving that way. If you know what I mean. And so it is difficult to start living for ourselves. Things become much easier when we do it for ourselves than for others. Be it anything.
So where is your blog? You don't have any posts in your blog at all. I wish to see you write some posts. Like you did here in my comments page! haha:)
LOL thanks Priya for your comments re mine. Thanks also for the webspace that enabled me to 'tompang' my two cents worth to air my thoughts. I promise to get my own blog up and running as soon as I can...after I do some more homework.
Unlike Suresh,yourself and many others I am not as eloquent as I'd like to be so I have this tendency to procrastinate... until such time I have something 'useful' to talk about. Also the creation of a blog seems difficult though I have a feeling I will find out how easy it is if I try.
Your blogs are most interesting. Thanks to Suresh I stumbled upon your podcast..the one I think about you wanting to do Science whereas your folks would like to see you as a Medico...
I hope everything worked out. I remember the IMCB building up at Kent Ridge hill..was only new when I was in Uni. PCR was just stumbled upon then and now you guys do it routinely...hope you are having fun.
Congratulations on reaching this milestone - where you discover yourself!
This usually coincides with the time one is exposed to Objectivist ideas through Rand's fictional works.
It is a long and enriching journey - wish you all the best!
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